Unemployable?

For most of the last twelve years, I've been a stay-at-home mum. As I've said before, I didn't think I'd be at home for this long, but of course we don't always know how things will turn out. I didn't know, for example, that I'd want to have kids. I didn't know that I'd struggle with the idea of having someone else take care of them. It is pretty much taken for granted - and certainly reflected in government policy - that once you've had your baby, you'll take up to a year off, and then pick up where you left off at work,  placing your child in a daycare nursery, or with a childminder. Or, if you're fortunate, a grandparent will take care of them, or perhaps you're able to work opposite shifts to your partner to cover childcare. Please don't misunderstand me: I'm not criticising those who do return to paid work after maternity leave. There are times when I find myself wondering if I should have done so. Someone somewhere in cyberspace commented recently that it seems as though motherhood is regarded as a two-year occupation; once your children are in nursery there's really no reason to stay at home. There are lots of reasons why I think that person's observation is very astute (sorry I can't remember who you are!) but one that stands out to me is that for many women, quite apart from the financial pressure, a couple of years is perhaps the maximum period of time they feel able to stay at home before they begin to be perceived as unemployable. I discovered the possible truth in this a few years ago when I decided to return to teaching. I realise now that I actually didn't really want to - I just felt like I ought to. Now, maybe I really was a pile of pants, but it didn't matter how cleverly I wrote out my personal statement, I couldn't raise a response. I suspect that the problem was that no matter how good I actually was (or not) as a teacher, the words 'family responsibilities' glowed like warning beacons from the front page of my application form. It didn't seem to matter that I'd volunteered for months at my kids' school, been doing a few hours of private tuition a week, and held the post of company secretary on the management board of my local pre school. That stuff they tell you about how volunteering looks good on your CV? I'm not sure that I believe it.

I really think that there's an assumption amongst employers and those who do return to the paid workplace that once you resign your job to take up the unpaid but very worthwhile post of stay-at-home parent, you somehow lose any brainpower, knowledge and competence you ever had. You are, after all, merely a wiper of bottoms, and a visitor of toddler groups. And when the kids have gone to school, well, what were you doing hanging around at home for that long? Anyone who has ever parented knows that this image of intellectually undemanding loafing is about as far from the truth as you can get. Apart from utilising my teaching skills and a whole bunch of specialist knowledge I've acquired about helping learners with neurodevelopmental disorders, there are a host of other competencies upon which I am required to draw on a daily basis.

To begin with, being my own boss, I am required to structure my time for maximum effectiveness whilst maintaining a considerable degree of flexibility. I must plan and resource all family meals, taking into account nutrition, fussy ten year olds and available funds. I must also employ my baking and cake decorating skills numerous times over the course of a year to satisfy the wishes of all those family members in possession of a birthday. I must manage the budget for Christmas, balancing what people want with what we can actually afford and figuring out what presents I can make to save money (we don't do credit for Christmas). I must call upon my negotiation skills to keep warring factions from destroying the house and each other. I might be faced with the need for HAZMAT containment and disposal at short notice, often with only improvised equipment at hand. Over the years I have honed my tempera painting skills, made slippers out of felt (and made the felt to make the slippers), sewn costumes, upcycled many different items, grown a wide variety of fruit and veg, given kayaking instruction, helped write comedy sketches, explained how babies are made, constructed furniture, diagnosed illnesses and completed tax returns. This very day I have explored William Paley's Watchmaker Analogy with my twelve year old. In short, I am capable, quick to learn new skills, creative, effective and flexible. Do I sound unemployable?

I am in no way exceptional. There are many people just like me who can do all of this and probably a whole lot more. It's just a shame that because it 's unpaid and not validated externally by some CPD body or other, it's not considered to be fulfilling, challenging work. I'm not writing about all of this because I want someone to give me a job. For many reasons, and while we can manage on the income we have, I've decided that I don't want to go back to a conventional workplace for the foreseeable future, if ever. The reasons I'm writing about all this are twofold: firstly, I would like to challenge the assumption that stay at home parenting deskills people. It seems to me that the combination of a limited budget and and a bit of thinking time is ideal for developing creativity and ingenuity in problem solving. Secondly, if you're in the position of being an employer and you spot an application form in the pile on your desk which includes the words 'looking after family' in the employment history section, please don't assume that the applicant has a head full of nappies and daytime telly. Please take the time to consider what it actually means in practical terms to give up an income to raise a family. Please don't file that application under 'B'.